Feedback on press release

I received Ms McKinney's (our English teacher) feedback on the press release I wrote about two weeks ago. You can find this text three posts down on this blog. The feedback was very positive; according to Ms McKinney the text was well constructed, especially the last paragraph containing the 'boilerplate'. There were some minor issues, though.
The range of vocabulary I used was not very big and the coherence and accuracy of the text requires some attention as well. I agree on with our teacher on these points; I should have tried to improve the coherence of the text using words such as 'moreover', 'however' and 'furthermore'. I will definitely try to improve this in my next report, which is due after the holidays. We then have to hand in an assessment report on the problems of construction project in Shanghai.

Today, we were also shown the rules in English on using commas. A lot of mistakes are often made in people's articles or reports involving the use of commas. This includes myself and some of my classmates. The problem is that the rules in Dutch (and in German) are slightly different from the English rules on commas. Ms McKinney showed us a very useful website on which the rules are stated. Check it yourself and tell me what you think!

http://www.temple.edu/writingctr/handouts/grammarandpunctuation/commas.htm